To Daddies with love...

Father’s day is just got over. I did get to see loads of photos and loving words from children on Facebook and messages. Once such cliche which is circulated the most was “Anyone can become a father but it takes effort to be a daddy”. The rebel in me woke up without an alarm to jot down my views.

Daddy is just another synonym, In fact it is more informal and we can feel the proximity from our heart. And Father is always seen as a provider, this is what nature and society have made us believe. Most of the men harness his family and children in all possible ways to bring harmony to himself and also for his people.

Is it difficult to be a Father? NO...it is not, provided he is ready to become one truly from his heart. Because every child believes that his or her hero is their “father.” And for daughters he is the first man in her life. She compares, expects and accepts an opposite gender as her close mate when he has little streaks of the first man. So the creator sets the standard for his daughter. 

Lord Ganesh has refused to marry anyone because he wanted a girl like his own mother. This may be just a story, however a girl is still naïve and marries a person who can take care of her even with little comforts. After all, women seek validation from men.

So who is the FATHER? He is the one who is responsible for sculpting a woman, his approval and attitude are the primary cause for a girl to gain more self-esteem. Her subconscious mind will make her do wonders also can create positive vibes towards the society when she feels warmth from inside.

Men don’t need to feel proud to be a bio logical father, even a rapist can do that. A man who forgets his fatherly instincts and touches the Benjamin button when he sees an attractive woman or even just an ignorant child are not eligible for this title. It takes loads of responsibilities to hover and shower the required love till the end to be a Father.

Hero can break, make and talk at any time, situations may change…someone else may do the role however affection does not. Every man is a  father if he can nurture a child into a good human being.   

De(vi)licate in me!!!

Frantic, Morbid fear, Feeling Paranoid, Uncertain outcome, and no logical explanation still “DEMONS”, “GHOSTS” and “DEVILS” were so close to my heart out of fear. When I was young, the interest that I generated towards them was weird. My gut feeling would give me loads of courage to with stand the chill running down my spine and confront the deepest fear as though a warrior of a huge battle. However the real “ME” would warn me not to fall for this ruthless logic.

Eire movies were the target to quench my search and thirst!  At the same time, my parents had a tough time in the night to console my plight. There would be a sudden promise (like a new boyfriend or girlfriend that says “I would never let you go away from me”) that I would never watch these kind of movies thereafter. Followed by heavy prayers to god and goddess to save me from the sleeplessness zoned feeling. Incidentally “all was well” in the next morning and I was back to square one to boast to my friends as to how I withstood the devil’s advocate, demon’s own law and ghost’s gruesome ideas!!! Actually I had grown up with a brother and sisters in my house, and never stayed alone! This gave me a big bolster to fall back on and could fight against my silly beliefs.

Nature had different plans…married to a Navy officer who does duties besides sailing left, right and Centre made me puzzled. My smartest husband did not tell a single word about his night duties before our wedding and I was completely ignorant about it. It was one month after our wedding…it was his turn to do the night shift, He was on leave and people were waiting for him to take over. I was a happy newly married young girl who was not aware of anything like this called OD (officer of the day) roaster, Duty on Sundays or holidays, also have to do night flying (he is a Naval Aviator)

It was a party and we felt overwhelmed as the seniors treated us very well. I was almost flying in air without any Navy helicopter. And the clock stuck 23 hrs (11pm) my husband told me that we had to leave, I asked him like a child…but why? And I felt the bomb shelling…when he confessed that he was on OD duty and he had to go immediately. I was cursing my stars and my crying spell continued even after reaching home! Then…pleaded him not to leave with ghosts as I was scared to stay alone in the house! Nothing worked…Military man…after all, he just left for his commitment. There were no parents and siblings to feel for me and I was scared to death till it was dawn. Subsequent duty days were taken care by my neighbor’s daughters as their parents were kind enough to send them to be with me. Such a great relief to have someone at home in the huge house!

Once my daughter was born, things changed to a larger extent as she would never sleep early. Her active time begins at 12 in the night, therefore I forgot all my fear and got used to taking care of her vigilantly. The same demons became friendly to me and sometimes they were invited home to put my daughter to sleep. Later…whenever my husband would say that he is on duty, I would never react badly because duty is much better than sailing (Harsh truth)

I don’t say that I have conquered my fear yet I am not the same girl who was melodramatic! Paradoxically, The Devils have helped me to come out from this “delicate darling” Vindya syndrome to be a more determined woman! 

Is our life "jinga lalaa?"

It is a rainy day…and Kerala is famous for it, I sat in the balcony to enjoy the fresh mixture of mud and water, droplets from the sky, the cool air, and also the most synchronized noise of this sudden down pour…with a cup of coffee!

People are running and looking for a shelter and the ones with umbrellas are marching against the challenges to reach their destination. I started thinking…about the inconveniences and the external barriers of our life. A few questions that were distracting me was…Are we all happy?  What is our mind set?

Once again, professional way of thinking has hit my brain and the left brain in me suddenly felt fresh (because I hardly use it) to analyze things logically! The generations and their thinking pattern, became the incessant thought and I did a deep search to arrive at some convincing points.

It is a profound one, however the person who stroked my mind was none other than the genius “Maslow” and his theories. I wanted to compare all the three generations and I feel that I am one of the victims of confused 70s born. Because my generation had witnessed black and white TV (later color TV of course) and only with two channels to fall back on, experienced life without even a land line connection and only a few friends in touch with during vacation. We are neither too old nor too young to feel “cool”

And the HR in me woke up again…to come up with a statement that “Diversity is the mother of Progression”

Older generation wanted to be one trick pony, Retirement from the same company in a graceful manner, ample amount of Savings, many were blessed with more than five children therefore planned their future to be safe and secure and the best is… they lived happily…!

And the Next ones…who belong to my era…would like to look for benefits, switching over to another job was done diligently, these people have multi-tasking ability as the zeal in them to update with the younger generation put them on grind to learn. Looked for opportunities to learn while doing their job and took a break once a year to unleash themselves! Yet, they worry about their future because saving is not enough to survive, so always in the rat race knowingly and unknowingly, and sometimes with right competitors and sadly with not so good ones too!

Today’s “Y” generation wants to take up the job for a specified time period. They are bold to follow their passion, still Money is very important to them! They understand the spoken and unspoken words of others, however the reaction is mostly not direct and immediate, they calibrate in a corporate way! Believes in Sabbatical, and take the risk of going off track and explore life in a path what they believe to get complete satisfaction. Going on Holidays are part of their life style and thus there is no culture of saving at all. When they work they work like donkeys and when they party they party as though there is no tomorrow!

One cup of coffee brought me many data of human behavior!!!  I am thanking Maslow once again as he explained the different needs very clearly. So my conclusion is when the basic needs are fulfilled we tend to identify ourselves and happiness quotient changes to a larger extent. This shows that we have progressed..!!! 

One Master and Many voices!!!

Salman Khan...the star! Finally found guilty for his act. Happy with the verdict, though delayed but not denied. He is a person who goes out of his to way to help and spends on charity. However the way he delayed and manipulated his statements is seriously not acceptable. 
And now...seeking bail on Neuro- ailment issue. Jail will bring him trauma! Utter Farce...how can people argue like this to escape? 
Every victim goes through this kind of mental turbulence when they are put in jail. What is the difference? HE is SALMAN!!! The ultimate show man..!

All is fair in love and war..and now even for Bollywood actors too! Because they are not fighting in high altitudes, but total disposition of their attitude! They are not anchored at the middle of the sea but surely their greediness is out to "see" and lastly they are not in a fighter aircraft..and they are fighting with normal blokes!!! 

Will he ever answer to his inner voice? Can he not feel guilty? Is real and reel life one and the same? And the entire Bollywood clowns are in favor of him. because..he is well connected!!! All worry about their own future. Half of the victims have fled to their home town. And the so called compensation is quite negligible as they are incapable of taking up any major work due to the injury. 

Role models have to lead by example. Manipulation, aggression, showing authority and silently operating his moves to delay exhibits the true colour of him. Poor taste...For what? Just to act in more movies, endorsements..etc. 
No-one is indispensable and all his social work can continue. Its repulsive to read all the glib excuses. 

Its better to be an ordinary simple person without any curse than to flaunt in a swanky car, lives in galaxy...and claim to fool people that I believe in "being human". 

People can pray for him..but he has to endure the term if he is a human being!

We the Muggles crib...he the "Salman" conquers!!!

Pyar ke side effects

"Love child"…..Have you heard of this term? I came to know quite recently. It means a child who is born out of wedlock. As a soft skill trainer I must speak the right words to people. It is yet another sensitive issue to discuss in an open forum in our country. The law has made some amendments for the rights of these children. However they carry a stigma like a permanent tattoo. This leaves a dirty mark and the unwed mother and child do face a lot of unpleasant encounters.

Motherhood is one of the biggest boon for any woman, however the absence of this sacred ritual called marriage over takes the status of a woman. She and her child are branded as curse!!! Equating sex with morality is “the reason” in India. Therefore these ladies are not free whereas the men can be hassle free and do enjoy a very normal life.   

Psychologically speaking, the emotions of these victims over flow in many situations and when they try to suppress it in their tender heart, it gets more life… So when it explodes there is a huge noise!!! Getting attracted physically is quite common these days. And thinking that it is “love” is even more common. People use the most effective feeling called “love” as a crutch to quench their biological needs. The vulnerable and the weaker person in this entire bargain is “the woman”. I seriously don’t support Ms. Deepika Padukone for her “choicest” statements.  She is a celebrity and her financial independence will not affect her much. But the young girls and even some educated modern women become dumb at times to believe in this kind of sugar coated words. Something shields them emotionally to fall for a person whose intentions are not good at all.

I spoke about good touch, bad touch and the confusing touch at Gitam University for ECE class in 2009, all I could witness was pin drop silence. It was a taboo subject to talk openly as students were not feeling comfortable. However I saw a sea change in Delhi because the same topic was chosen for sixth and seventh standard students in 2013. It is a welcome move by schools in Delhi to introduce these topics, because the emotional roller coaster ride is suffered by these children who are born out of wed lock is phenomenon.   

Society is changing towards unwed mothers and they are getting respect but still a long way to go. Being a mother is not at all easy, she has to mask all her ordeals and wear a smile in front of her child. And it is not “cool” to be an unwed mom in our conventional Indian society. So ladies…do not let your focus on glib promises, it will make you cry at the end.

My humble appeal to men is…Please don’t make any emotional and life assuring costly promise to your woman if you are not sure of marrying her. Because it is easy for you to make….but tough for women to deliver and endure!!!

( Mr. Rohit Tiwari (love child of ND Tiwari) has filed a case in the Supreme court seeking the removal of words like concubine, illegitimate and bastard from our law books. )

Beauty and the “Beard”

This is the time people are too engaged in their talks about men in blue and bleed blue! And I for a change, pushed my thoughts train to travel and explore the “beard” look of a man and what significance it can add to them.  Men are left with not too many choices as far as their look is concerned, one distinct difference they can bring in their appearance is through sporting a beard or a stubble (who didn’t appreciate John Abraham’s stubble look?) it can cover up the shortcomings of the face and adds more value to get that “ one more glimpse” of it.  

In ancient days beard symbolized the manhood and wisdom. Men in those days felt as though it is their valued possessions.  In fact, punishments were offered like shaving off the beard to humiliate the cowards. There is a story that Abraham Lincoln was advised by a little girl to grow a beard as she thought that it would suit his face and he would look classy! The “great” followed her suggestion and this not only changed his image but also gained him loads of confidence.

In old movies…we used to see clean shaven look heroes and over grown and shabby beard of the villain, however this jinx is broken completely! Thanks to the serious movies because the character needed the intense look! And yes…beard is in vogue and back again with a thumping majority! The contribution from many sportsmen and other celebrities has helped in projecting this special look as a widely accepted personality in this fashionista era!

When I was young, I was always fascinated to strike a conversation with a person who had a beard, because I was convinced that he is more knowledgeable and can talk good. Later...I came to know some of the interesting factors behind the beard! I was told that, men have beard when they want to tell the world that their love is doomed, or to proclaim their unemployed status or when they want to hide their pimples. And the last one is too interesting and unbelievable…which is husband sports a beard when he is expecting his child!!! This is to gain sympathy and importance along with his pregnant wife!!!

Chocolate boy image is one phase in every man’s life…to get admired and feel too good about oneself. However our very own Shah Rukh earned better brownie points for his “Chak de” looks than an ever sweet lover boy persona. Researchers from the University of South Wales have come to a conclusion that 10 days beard is more attractive to women, Therefore having a beard is almost like wearing your attitude now ( Virat Kohli is the best example) if you can grow it flaunt it guys!!! However… style it to get a well sculpted face, macho and mature look. And why not? It is a man’s thing…!!!

The Great " Indian" lovers...

Valentine’s Day had just been over and our hearts are coming to terms. As we have inherited the concept of celebrating this day from western countries, we have almost aped everything!! However our Indian lovers are typical and leave their “desi” touch when it comes to expressing themselves. But why this grand celebration? How many of them are serious about the proposals that they made or agreed on??

At the age of 25 and after…youngsters are suffering from a phobia called “commitment” and this penetrates them deep in their heart. Because mind is wavering and expecting that they should not miss the “better than the best”. Almost stopped following the heart and often want to follow their mind, and the super logical ever Wi-Fi active mind is under constant change and therefore they lack in sticking to one man or one woman! Too many choices really baffle and contentment is a big question?! Once upon a time, it was Owners envy and neighbors pride however nowadays….Owners and neighbors are in the same boat!

There are a few more reasons that I can attribute…for our great lovers as to why they adapt the flight method!
1. Mamma’s boy or Daddy’s girl… it is an easy way to get out of the commitment as they want to be a true son / daughter. Marriage is an ultimate sacrifice that they are ready to do.
2. A socially intelligent man or a woman is accepted only in parties or for an outing, because there is a belief that she or he may be smitten by love from all corners!!
3. Another interesting Indian lover quality is…. “I won’t kill you but will hurt you if you try to leave me!” Men wear muscle power bullet in their behavior and women are not disarmed. They also equally contribute with their mind power.
4. Over confidence and performance appraisal (HR report) go into the head, so one starts thinking that No girl can match up to what I deserve! Even if she is an inflated Barbie doll or a total “take home material”. In the same way, women too think that I am the best of the best…and what did he do to get me fully?

What is the solution now? Appreciate what you got easily…and respect if someone shows emotions by giving their time. Try to understand the spoken and their unspoken language. Don’t look for an exclusive one, who is not perhaps existing at all. Take risk…to experience the biggest kick of life!!!

If this article makes you angry or feel like agitating….yes!! I am happy….because we don’t want great lovers…. All we want is REAL lovers!!!