Pyar ke side effects

"Love child"…..Have you heard of this term? I came to know quite recently. It means a child who is born out of wedlock. As a soft skill trainer I must speak the right words to people. It is yet another sensitive issue to discuss in an open forum in our country. The law has made some amendments for the rights of these children. However they carry a stigma like a permanent tattoo. This leaves a dirty mark and the unwed mother and child do face a lot of unpleasant encounters.

Motherhood is one of the biggest boon for any woman, however the absence of this sacred ritual called marriage over takes the status of a woman. She and her child are branded as curse!!! Equating sex with morality is “the reason” in India. Therefore these ladies are not free whereas the men can be hassle free and do enjoy a very normal life.   

Psychologically speaking, the emotions of these victims over flow in many situations and when they try to suppress it in their tender heart, it gets more life… So when it explodes there is a huge noise!!! Getting attracted physically is quite common these days. And thinking that it is “love” is even more common. People use the most effective feeling called “love” as a crutch to quench their biological needs. The vulnerable and the weaker person in this entire bargain is “the woman”. I seriously don’t support Ms. Deepika Padukone for her “choicest” statements.  She is a celebrity and her financial independence will not affect her much. But the young girls and even some educated modern women become dumb at times to believe in this kind of sugar coated words. Something shields them emotionally to fall for a person whose intentions are not good at all.

I spoke about good touch, bad touch and the confusing touch at Gitam University for ECE class in 2009, all I could witness was pin drop silence. It was a taboo subject to talk openly as students were not feeling comfortable. However I saw a sea change in Delhi because the same topic was chosen for sixth and seventh standard students in 2013. It is a welcome move by schools in Delhi to introduce these topics, because the emotional roller coaster ride is suffered by these children who are born out of wed lock is phenomenon.   

Society is changing towards unwed mothers and they are getting respect but still a long way to go. Being a mother is not at all easy, she has to mask all her ordeals and wear a smile in front of her child. And it is not “cool” to be an unwed mom in our conventional Indian society. So ladies…do not let your focus on glib promises, it will make you cry at the end.

My humble appeal to men is…Please don’t make any emotional and life assuring costly promise to your woman if you are not sure of marrying her. Because it is easy for you to make….but tough for women to deliver and endure!!!

( Mr. Rohit Tiwari (love child of ND Tiwari) has filed a case in the Supreme court seeking the removal of words like concubine, illegitimate and bastard from our law books. )

Beauty and the “Beard”

This is the time people are too engaged in their talks about men in blue and bleed blue! And I for a change, pushed my thoughts train to travel and explore the “beard” look of a man and what significance it can add to them.  Men are left with not too many choices as far as their look is concerned, one distinct difference they can bring in their appearance is through sporting a beard or a stubble (who didn’t appreciate John Abraham’s stubble look?) it can cover up the shortcomings of the face and adds more value to get that “ one more glimpse” of it.  

In ancient days beard symbolized the manhood and wisdom. Men in those days felt as though it is their valued possessions.  In fact, punishments were offered like shaving off the beard to humiliate the cowards. There is a story that Abraham Lincoln was advised by a little girl to grow a beard as she thought that it would suit his face and he would look classy! The “great” followed her suggestion and this not only changed his image but also gained him loads of confidence.

In old movies…we used to see clean shaven look heroes and over grown and shabby beard of the villain, however this jinx is broken completely! Thanks to the serious movies because the character needed the intense look! And yes…beard is in vogue and back again with a thumping majority! The contribution from many sportsmen and other celebrities has helped in projecting this special look as a widely accepted personality in this fashionista era!

When I was young, I was always fascinated to strike a conversation with a person who had a beard, because I was convinced that he is more knowledgeable and can talk good. Later...I came to know some of the interesting factors behind the beard! I was told that, men have beard when they want to tell the world that their love is doomed, or to proclaim their unemployed status or when they want to hide their pimples. And the last one is too interesting and unbelievable…which is husband sports a beard when he is expecting his child!!! This is to gain sympathy and importance along with his pregnant wife!!!

Chocolate boy image is one phase in every man’s life…to get admired and feel too good about oneself. However our very own Shah Rukh earned better brownie points for his “Chak de” looks than an ever sweet lover boy persona. Researchers from the University of South Wales have come to a conclusion that 10 days beard is more attractive to women, Therefore having a beard is almost like wearing your attitude now ( Virat Kohli is the best example) if you can grow it flaunt it guys!!! However… style it to get a well sculpted face, macho and mature look. And why not? It is a man’s thing…!!!

The Great " Indian" lovers...

Valentine’s Day had just been over and our hearts are coming to terms. As we have inherited the concept of celebrating this day from western countries, we have almost aped everything!! However our Indian lovers are typical and leave their “desi” touch when it comes to expressing themselves. But why this grand celebration? How many of them are serious about the proposals that they made or agreed on??

At the age of 25 and after…youngsters are suffering from a phobia called “commitment” and this penetrates them deep in their heart. Because mind is wavering and expecting that they should not miss the “better than the best”. Almost stopped following the heart and often want to follow their mind, and the super logical ever Wi-Fi active mind is under constant change and therefore they lack in sticking to one man or one woman! Too many choices really baffle and contentment is a big question?! Once upon a time, it was Owners envy and neighbors pride however nowadays….Owners and neighbors are in the same boat!

There are a few more reasons that I can attribute…for our great lovers as to why they adapt the flight method!
1. Mamma’s boy or Daddy’s girl… it is an easy way to get out of the commitment as they want to be a true son / daughter. Marriage is an ultimate sacrifice that they are ready to do.
2. A socially intelligent man or a woman is accepted only in parties or for an outing, because there is a belief that she or he may be smitten by love from all corners!!
3. Another interesting Indian lover quality is…. “I won’t kill you but will hurt you if you try to leave me!” Men wear muscle power bullet in their behavior and women are not disarmed. They also equally contribute with their mind power.
4. Over confidence and performance appraisal (HR report) go into the head, so one starts thinking that No girl can match up to what I deserve! Even if she is an inflated Barbie doll or a total “take home material”. In the same way, women too think that I am the best of the best…and what did he do to get me fully?

What is the solution now? Appreciate what you got easily…and respect if someone shows emotions by giving their time. Try to understand the spoken and their unspoken language. Don’t look for an exclusive one, who is not perhaps existing at all. Take risk…to experience the biggest kick of life!!!

If this article makes you angry or feel like agitating….yes!! I am happy….because we don’t want great lovers…. All we want is REAL lovers!!!

a rose is not " JUST" a rose!!!

a rose is not " JUST" a rose!!!

Valentine’s Day a designed day and brings extreme pleasure for people who are in love. It helps to open up the emotional window of the brave hearts who are ready to elevate their single status to double, of course there is no exception for other mortals like me who are committed (or) married to expect special pampering to validate their long commitment. So it has become more popular in India for a grand celebration.

There are lot of back ground stories as to why February 14th is being celebrated as lovers day. And this merry making day includes proposals with a Rose. A rose is a rose is a rose! There are different perceptions for this profound single statement. My knowledge is limited to offer a cerebral approach to what the scholar had actually meant! However “The Rose” is very close to my heart, because it symbolizes pure love in my dictionary.

The qualities of a woman can be compared with roses! Beautiful, Yet short lived like our physical appearance. Thorns are required to safeguard from the ones who don’t know how to admire! It is indeed special among st all the other flowers due to its fragrance and demeanor. Also everyone likes to be around when it is fully smiling and on the contrary many don’t even look at it when it withers. She (read it as Rose) is then recycled for cosmetic benefits, even after losing her charm and shine. So she stands tall in her attitude like a real woman.

Guys and Girls…one question which is pondering over in my mind is, does your lady love deserve a Rose/ Roses from you? In the same way, does he have the qualities to take care of you like how the rose has to be handled? Falling in love is easy, but being in love with the same person is quite challenging in this pragmatic world.

Valentine’s Day has its own significance, therefore if you are planning to buy roses for your love….then ask these questions to yourself.

1. Are you sure of this person? 

2. Are you giving life to your actions? 

3. Do you really mean your words?

4. Do you feel divinity in the affection? 

5. Is it giving enjoyment even while yearning for the special one?

If your answers are yes…offer it to the real woman who knows that her love cannot be measured and also accept it from a man who doesn't have to validate his love through his super inflated bank balance. Earn your Roses from your man for your attitude and grant your love to a man who is true from heart, because…

A ROSE IS NOT “JUST” A ROSE! 

LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST......

LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST!!!

We make a living by what we get,

We make a life by what we give.

                               Winston Churchill

What is life? What is living? And what is the fullest living?  What are we supposed to do?

Call out loudly;  go for a trip with all our savings; give a damn to people and walk with our attitude; tie oneself with restrictions and follow a military regiment life; take the name of our favorite god and say that everything is god’s will. Because things which make an average urban man /woman happy to the core are either illegal, unethical or fattening.  However we all know that ZINADGI NA MILEGI DOOBARA!!! So…let us plunge in to scan a few things which will really make our living worth to its fullest.

If we ask our youngistans to voice their opinion on living to the fullest, they would perhaps say that one should not be disturbed at any time by anyone! Their freedom is more important than anything else and every relation must understand that they need space!!! The flattened world made our physical neighbors distant from us and brought many other far ones closer through virtual world. This generation invests time to create and then condition their digitally designed destiny. At the same time, the small town dwellers or people from a rural areas will probably agree that they are all living happily despite not having many of the facilities. Paradoxically, we would still get to witness many of them wanting to join the bandwagon of the urban crowd. This is primarily because they have high goals and a strong ambition to achieve it.

Living and happily living or Living to the fullest have separate meanings. One of the key factors to have a smooth life is to have a positive attitude towards people and situations. Perception is also playing a pivotal role in keeping one happy. During the Kargil battle, I was once in the hospital waiting for my turn. I saw a small boy collecting money from people for Pakistan soldiers. Out of curiosity I asked him why he did so. He gave a stunning reply to me that people in India are collecting money for Indian soldiers only, and who will do for Pakistanis? This little one was seven years old then. This gesture moved my strong heart to show empathy towards our enemies too.  Therefore I understood the way to show kindness through his perception.  

Inter personal relations is another set of under explored area which people have to nurture each day by watering it with true involvement. Glib promises, fake affections and calculative heart will never make a person live peacefully. Having a healthy relationship is like tweeting in Twitter account. If we take a break, then people will forget us easily. So it should be a regular thing in our life.  Accept the people as they are and taking full responsibility for our actions will enhance our personality and thereby make our life more worthy.

When I was young, the word “stress” was an unheard term. However, IT boom has also contributed to this word becoming a cliché to a large extent. Being economically sound is very sweet to ears and the rat race is all for this majorly. In the grand scheme of things money is necessary because needs have to be fulfilled and desires will never end. When we go clueless as to what are our needs and what are the desires, we experience stress. Shah Rukh Khan sleeps only for four or five hours in a day. Because he loves acting and that gives him the ultimate bliss. So when we do things with passion we do not feel stressed. This is an important take away to understand more about our stress level. If we want to work for more than twelve hours we should do it. But there is no point in feeling stressed or whining about it. Life will give hundred reasons to cry but if we can find out thousand reasons to smile, then we will never feel stress.

Giving back to society is a superb way to lead our life to the fullest. This reminds me the advertisement of “Incredible India” where Aamir Khan features to share the gyan at the end. But it is shame on us that the foreigners who laugh at us on every violation of the rules. This is quite apparent that people are taking our own nation for granted and also convince themselves that “phir bhi dil hei Hindustani”!!! Adhering to rules do give us small pressures however it will give huge happiness and satisfaction in the long run, it is we who have to experience it.

Healthy mind or Healthy body? Is a topic for group discussion during recruitment process! Healthy mind has an empathetic view, great listening skills, having an attitude to learn at any time and from anyone! Healthy body compliments it by supporting it in full swing. If we can cleanse our mind at regular intervals our body will trot along with us without complaints.

To conclude I would like to highlight a few points that are to be prohibited to have our life larger than us….Complaints, bad moods, resentment, living in the past and surrounding oneself with negative people.

And at the same time………if we truly want to live life king / queen size then... laughter, unconditional love, practicing the art of kindness, self-discipline, integrity and the last but definitely not the least…is living each moment as if it were your last on the earth!!

Living life to the fullest is a state of mind and not a display of our status!!!!

By  Vindya S Ayyar 

MISSION POSSIBLE!!!

Is being a woman powerful? Is it Open happiness? Can we make things better? Are we welcomed with jinga lala??? Does any parent say “hei dil maange more ..! after a girl is born? Or Can anyone in the society assure us with “No more tears”????????? These jingles are suitable to advertise the products, however we the “Women” are still branded as weaker sex as a whole. Maha kavi Bharathiyaar has quoted that…birth of a girl can take place only if we have done some good deeds.  Is it an utterly over rated statement? I strongly feel like saying “YES” to it. Because women are crushed at every level by some vultures.

The core issues are, Violence against women, Sexual assault, Maintaining healthy relationships, Economic security and financial literacy, Improving self-esteem, Women leadership and finally Health issues of women! All these are iconic words because it can motivate or create controversy. This is because we don’t have clarity on what we want! Our great country worships women on calendar as goddess and on the other side her obscene pictures are used to promote their products by the same calendar. Whenever there is a mismatch in our objectives the goals are devastated and women are again labelled as delicate darlings!!!

What is the cause? Why do we under estimate ourselves? Why do we still fight for our rights? Do we need to be empowered? If yes….from whom?  I would like to recollect a commonly circulated joke, that a woman is a master piece after god has created men. There is nothing like women should be given power separately, especially when we have to talk about the business acumen.

“Daring the difference” a speech by Christine Lagarde at National Democratic Institute Washington emphasizes on three “L”s for women’s leadership qualities.  It is Learning, Labor and Leadership.

“If we educate a boy we train a boy and if we educate a girl we educate an entire family” This is an old saying and how many girls are getting educated…this is a million dollar answer in our country. Because gender equality is a crucial component in our society. Investment for educating a girl is a big mission in developing countries like India. Women’s education is not a threat…but it is a blessing to enable a structured future to face up the challenges of 21^st century. One study suggests that an extra year of primary school contributes 20% of growth in a girl and also an extra year of secondary school boosts up to 25%. Therefore Education for a girl child is inevitable, she has to come out of the shell and explore the world by right opportunities.

The next point is “Labor”. Women represent half of our population however they represent far less than in any social activity openly. Men participate more than women in every corner of the world, this is primarily because of the gender gaps and also the subduing nature of a typical woman who is ready to compromise. “EQUAL PAY FOR EQUAL WORK” a debatable issue as women are tend to get stuck for low pay and low status jobs.  They do a good job in an informal sector too, but the flip side of this exposure is unpaid, unprotected work environment and unappreciated by the employers.  Women have the power of multitasking and it is what they are born with. In spite of this the ability to take decisions are curtailed to a larger extent because she is taught to adjust at a young age to maintain a tranquil atmosphere.  I would like to remind one thing is that…women are the great consumers and contribute a lot for the economic growth. They account for 70% of the global spending, therefore it will be an energetic booster if we can empower more women in the work force.  It is not something to do with policies or government, it is the culture, belief and macho mentality that prevails in our mind which separates to accept women in top notch positions.

My last bullet in the kitty is about leadership. This is to let the women to rise to the top with her innate abilities and strength. The higher the position is, the lower the participation is!!!! Who is responsible for this? What holds a woman? It is not the competence, it is the lack of confidence. Under qualified and unguided men march forward while more qualified and more knowledgeable ones take a back seat out of fear, doubt their own abilities and also because of family.

 Another factor which Indra Nooyi CEO of Pepsico has confessed in the open forum is that, “women cannot have it all, saying you have to cope, because you die with guilt”.  Why do women embrace guilt almost like getting a crown? It is seldom heard from a man that he is guilty for not spending time for the family. Indra was told by her mother that despite being the President of Pepsico, at home she is first the wife, daughter and daughter in law and mother. Therefore if a woman can learn to balance and understand her potentials the world can witness many leaders from this gender. Real change begin from attitudinal change, assertive behavior and a receptive mind set towards women.

It is the time to “disco”!!! What are we waiting for??????? Wake up the Indra Nooyi, Kiran Masumdhar Shaw and Sudha Moorthy in you!!!  You have to know your potential and channelize it at the right place. The more we endure wrong, the more we become strong!!!! And the world may be huge…but we women can make it a better place with our blessed capabilities!!

SUCCESS IS SWEET....

The best victory our country has witnessed now!!! 

The congress party has to do a thorough post-mortem of their 10 years kingdom. I chose the word kingdom because it is the Gandhi family which was ruling it directly and indirectly. 

As a True responsible citizen of India I am really happy and welcoming the change wholeheartedly. It is a long anticipation from every person who is surviving with full of hopes!!! There are two issues which  evoked my attention.

Congress was not able to communicate to the people in which way Mr. Modi and his party workers have done. Mr. Rahul Gandhi was born with a silver spoon got opportunity to study in one of the best institutions, yet he failed to connect with hearts!!!!!!!!!! A thought provoking and an interesting point is, communication skills coupled with humility are the accepted key factors in today’s scenario.  Youth India feels that they are not getting proper guidance and also “chaltha hei” attitude is creeping in in their mind. So staying connected with people who matter to us is more important than absenting oneself from issues.

And the second learning I would like to share is for the parents. Though it is a sensitive issue, there is a strong message to the parents that they have to give up their aspiration and let the children decide what they want to do. Then we would have seen Mr. Rahul Gandhi in some other field perhaps excelling.

Leave your child to make his fortune like Mr. Modi, smothering will only make your child clueless, protected, indecisive and failure. Lastly…I salute THE INDIAN MOTHER and the unsung HEROINE Mrs. Modi who gifted us an able leader!!!

Jai hind!                                                                                             Jai Namo!!!